What if?



They say life is the best teacher there is, and they weren’t lying. We seldomly learn otherwise. We need to tumble and fall a couple of times to grasp the lesson, and it never stops hurting. 


There are things that no matter how old we get or how wise we are, they still shake us to the core. A single word, a thought, a memory, or even a look. These are enough to trigger a chain reaction of thoughts that keep circling our minds. 


I often turn around at night with a single thought that’s the culprit of my insomniac self; What if I didn’t exist?


What if I didn’t exist?


Would my siblings feel a difference? Or maybe would the brotherly or sisterly rivalry drop down a couple of notches? Would there be more peace in the household? Would my family be happier? Would everyone not shoulder these much burdens?



What if I didn’t exist?


Would my friends have a quieter life? Would my colleagues have a more successful colleague? Would my failed friendships not happen at all? Would there be more contentment among everyone I know?



What if I didn’t exist?


Would there be less disappointments in the world? Would the night be quieter because of one less person weeping away through it? Would love still have one more chance of prevailing because one less person isn’t there to prove otherwise?



What if I didn’t exist?


Would my heart stop its erratic beating that’s growing to be so tiresome for its muscle? Would my tear ducts be relieved from the duty of shedding every single night? Would my hands stop shaking when my mind thinks? Would my soul be finally at rest?



What if I didn’t exist?


Would I not have built unattainable expectations? Would I have not fallen deep an scratched myself with every coming day? Would I have stopped caring about and loving my friends and family? Would I have stopped being an overprotective sister? Would I have stopped being an impatient person? Would I have stopped being emotionally strung up on the possibilities the future might hold out? Would I have stopped feeling so bad about myself? Would I have stopped looking at who I am the way I look?



What if I didn’t exist?


I wouldn’t have written this. I wouldn’t have thought this. I wouldn’t have lived this. I wouldn’t have fought the battles I’ve fought. I wouldn’t have learnt any of life’s lessons, and I wouldn’t, for sure, have had a life.



What if….

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