A posthumous letter for you.



Dearest,

I know it’s been ages since I last talked to you, but believe me when I say that I think about you every single waking and breathing moment. I won’t lie and tell you things are just the same as when you left, things have drastically changed. Some in a good way and some in the most horrendously aching ways ever. However, even though I won’t have the heart to spill out all the changes, but I feel the urgent need to talk to you, to consult you. I think talking about this would be stirring your rested soul, and I consider this to be one of the most disrespectful and imbecile things to do. However, since this letter won’t ever reach you, since I’m all alone in this, I’ll talk about it in hopes of seeing you one day. Perhaps then, I wouldn’t be as bitter about this as I am now.

As previously mentioned, things have changed in an unrecognizable manner. We have a new addition to the family now: my cousin. You left when the previous cousin was months old. Now, a new baby graced us with her arrival. Oh if only you could see her! She’s absolutely swoon worthy, no kidding there! I would’ve attached a picture with this letter, but it has no arrival destination so I guess I’ll stick to a detailed description of her. Her cheeks are of a rosy red, a shade darker than my cheeks were. Her lips are a cute shade of pink and her eyes are the most beautiful feature of her. Hers are a chocolate-y brown that would cause the coldest hearts boring into them to melt into a puddle. Her body is so petite and delicate. Remember how you used to tell me that I was incredibly tiny that one could comfortably yet safely hold me using one hand? Well, I guess she beat me to that. I refused to hold her, melting in my fears of breaking her so fragile body. However, I held her tiny hand and kissed her, only for her to latch her hand tightly on my forefinger and stare intently at me with her doe like eyes. It was as if her fish like memory is trying to remember the tiniest details of my face. If I could tell you how hard I tried not to cry out of joy and awe, I’ll probably last a lifetime doing so. Enough now about her for there are other things that you need to be kept updated about.

We’ve moved to a new house, bigger than the previous one. You would’ve really loved it. I believe you saw it before when it was just a bunch of red bricks and no visible features. Now, it’s transformed into a beautiful house. Even though it’s been a year since we moved, however the house is still missing the Home touch. It still feels deserted and cold, as if nobody is living there. My sister and I share a room and although I try to make it as heart-warming as possible, it still wouldn’t oblige. For the first time in my 18 year old life, I feel like a stranger in this place, in my house, the only place I should be comfortable in. 

 Speaking of the warmth and contentment of the heart, the family is now dispersed. Every one of us is living in his own closed off world. We rarely see one another, and when we do, it isn’t as gladsome and smile drawing as it used to be. Our lives became routine induced, even during vacations. I take along a bunch of novels and stay in my designated room during holidays, living off a minimal amount of communication and tucking my nose into fictional characters’ businesses. Not that the outside world is any better. Everyone has basically glued their faces into the glowing screens of their phones, a habit which I grew to hate and despise. The family aura around us disappeared into thin air and I can’t seem to find it whatsoever. During those days, I consume an insane amount of caffeine, enough to beat Sherlock Holmes’ consumption of Tobacco. I live off of tea, coffee, my books, and the minimal contact with my friends who care enough to ask about my well being. 

 We visit the beach at night as a family, and we sit there enjoying the cool breeze that the meeting of the water and summer nights causes. There, I feel a sense of serendipity, but I can’t help but recognize a missing feeling, a missing aura, a missing presence, a missing you. Subconsciously, I believe that deep down, every single one of us feels the same loss. It scarred us beyond repair, even if each one is scarred for different reasons by the same pain, yet etched and well hidden expressions are all we share right now. I wish you were here to fix this and bring us joy once more, but one can’t wish what he can’t ever reach right? 

Endless love,
Your torn girl.


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