Acceptance or change?





She lived in a shadow, a shadow that has haunted her soul and mind, but never her heart. She laughed in the presence of people and she seems to shrug what could hurt off appearing strong and unbreakable, when deep inside that laugh was never genuine, she never shrugged off what you told her, the truth is that it's killing her, stabbing every single emotion she could bear inside. She's a good actor, pretending everything is okay became one of her prominent daily routines that she couldn't just do without.
Her eyes were a darker shade of brown that once shone and were beautifully vibrant and full of life and passion. But now? .... They're lifeless, screaming all the colours of pain, describing in detail how she was utterly suffering, how she was hurt so very deeply. Nobody could see that, and she didn't blame them, how could they when she concealed everything with her "happy-go-lucky" mask, and she really pulled that mask off perfectly that she deserved a massive praise and an infinite round of applause.  Nobody seemed to notice or care about the shadow that captivated her eyes.

She never had the chance to do what she loves. She's a writer you know, she writes everything and anything that crosses her mind.

It eases the pain she's holding in. She was always that type of girl who embraced her flaws but got affected by society's harsh opinions and unrealistic standards. She enjoyed the simplest things in life. A good book and a warm cup of tea would keep her good company, she got lost easily in the fictional events that for as long as she was reading, her mind seems to shut itself automatically from the outside world, she was a proud bibliomania.
She tried to grab an opportunity, a place in the community, multiple times before, only to be greeted by disappointment and failure. She never stopped writing even if it was secretly but still she never ceased even when the chances of her dreams as writer coming true came crumbling down beneath her feet.
She used to cry herself to sleep myriads of nights before, but now she's stronger, way more unyielding. She stood up for herself and stepped away from the chaotic world she was once a part of, and took hold on the reins of her ride. It was hard at first, NO it was impossible for her that she thought about leaving the reins once again and just go with the flow, but she kept going nonetheless, even when the world was screaming at her to stop her attempt to change and try to accept that she won't be anything more than an average girl who won't be any different or unique. She never listened to them. She kept her head held high  a hobby that she has recently learnt that gave her an extra dose of confidence and swept the fears aside.

She believed she could make it bigger, that she could cause a brouhaha if she succeeded. She wanted to help others but most importantly reach out to her own self and pull herself up then stick the pieces together because she was cognizant that if she didn't do such thing, then she wouldn't change, she'll just get caught up in the middle of the traumatic life everybody else is leading. She wouldn't have shone out or proven herself to the world. She's a lady of her own Brobdingnagian thoughts.
She made it! She's living her long awaited dream, she influenced others, and she succeeded.
That's because she never stopped loving...
She never stopped loving herself
She never stopped loving her dreams
She never stopped loving her precious books.
And she ceased...
She stopped underestimating herself
She stopped mourning over her previous failures
She found her true self and expressed it through her thoughts that stood out through her words and self made expressions. She's now happy, satisfied.
Oh and if you looked through her once gloomy eyes, you'll find the long lost spark, you'll find hope, you'll find her, the real her. And guess what? She's not pretending now, she's changed....     

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