Acceptance or change?





She lived in a shadow, a shadow that has haunted her soul and mind, but never her heart. She laughed in the presence of people and she seems to shrug what could hurt off appearing strong and unbreakable, when deep inside that laugh was never genuine, she never shrugged off what you told her, the truth is that it's killing her, stabbing every single emotion she could bear inside. She's a good actor, pretending everything is okay became one of her prominent daily routines that she couldn't just do without.
Her eyes were a darker shade of brown that once shone and were beautifully vibrant and full of life and passion. But now? .... They're lifeless, screaming all the colours of pain, describing in detail how she was utterly suffering, how she was hurt so very deeply. Nobody could see that, and she didn't blame them, how could they when she concealed everything with her "happy-go-lucky" mask, and she really pulled that mask off perfectly that she deserved a massive praise and an infinite round of applause.  Nobody seemed to notice or care about the shadow that captivated her eyes.

She never had the chance to do what she loves. She's a writer you know, she writes everything and anything that crosses her mind.

It eases the pain she's holding in. She was always that type of girl who embraced her flaws but got affected by society's harsh opinions and unrealistic standards. She enjoyed the simplest things in life. A good book and a warm cup of tea would keep her good company, she got lost easily in the fictional events that for as long as she was reading, her mind seems to shut itself automatically from the outside world, she was a proud bibliomania.
She tried to grab an opportunity, a place in the community, multiple times before, only to be greeted by disappointment and failure. She never stopped writing even if it was secretly but still she never ceased even when the chances of her dreams as writer coming true came crumbling down beneath her feet.
She used to cry herself to sleep myriads of nights before, but now she's stronger, way more unyielding. She stood up for herself and stepped away from the chaotic world she was once a part of, and took hold on the reins of her ride. It was hard at first, NO it was impossible for her that she thought about leaving the reins once again and just go with the flow, but she kept going nonetheless, even when the world was screaming at her to stop her attempt to change and try to accept that she won't be anything more than an average girl who won't be any different or unique. She never listened to them. She kept her head held high  a hobby that she has recently learnt that gave her an extra dose of confidence and swept the fears aside.

She believed she could make it bigger, that she could cause a brouhaha if she succeeded. She wanted to help others but most importantly reach out to her own self and pull herself up then stick the pieces together because she was cognizant that if she didn't do such thing, then she wouldn't change, she'll just get caught up in the middle of the traumatic life everybody else is leading. She wouldn't have shone out or proven herself to the world. She's a lady of her own Brobdingnagian thoughts.
She made it! She's living her long awaited dream, she influenced others, and she succeeded.
That's because she never stopped loving...
She never stopped loving herself
She never stopped loving her dreams
She never stopped loving her precious books.
And she ceased...
She stopped underestimating herself
She stopped mourning over her previous failures
She found her true self and expressed it through her thoughts that stood out through her words and self made expressions. She's now happy, satisfied.
Oh and if you looked through her once gloomy eyes, you'll find the long lost spark, you'll find hope, you'll find her, the real her. And guess what? She's not pretending now, she's changed....     

Popular posts from this blog

Then, now and how it should be.

Image
Feminism 'fɛmɪnɪz(ə)m' (noun) the advocacy of women's rights on the ground of the equality of the genders. Being a woman/girl in the 21st century means facing some challenges when it comes to building up your career, starting a family or even getting paid like your fellow male colleague for doing the same task at work. I'm not saying women are oppressed or that they can't find their voices in a world deafened by men's opinions, however it would be nice to know where we stand. (I won't surely be talking about the political and social movements or even the "ideologies" of feminism. That could be extremely pedantic.) Let's take a peek on the 19th century for instance. Imagine yourself adorning that vexatious corset beneath a long gown, because you are forced to do so by society. Women were expected to embroider cushions, paint portraits, play the piano forte, read extensively and speak languages fluently...
Read more

Mea sola vetus amicus

Image
Dear old friend, It’s me. I can’t begin to express how sorry I am for leaving you this long without an update. It’s been almost 2 years since you’ve last heard of me or any of my news and to say a lot has changed would definitely be the understatement of the century. I’m a much-grown woman now with a different perspective, but I’m somehow still the same. The same aspirations, the same feelings, the same dreams, and most importantly, rooted in the same ground. The past two years have thrown me into quite a turmoil of emotions. The crests and troughs that were thrown at me were more than what an average person could tolerate, but I made it through, scathed tho. Life has a funny way of teaching us lessons, doesn’t it? It goes either one punch at a time so that you can barely have time to register or anticipate when the coming one would be, or throw it all at once with all the might there is so that you can barely stand up again. I’ve experienced both in the form of failed friendships,...
Read more

The Holy Land

Image
  It’s known that God has blessed the region between Al-Arish and Euphrates river. It was anciently known as Canaan.  Canaan, the name of the Arabian tribes that lived there. During those years, some prophets and God’s messengers lived and were raised there. It was the land that endured a lot throughout the years.  It’s also widely known that both World wars (I and II) have left a significant impact on most countries, some of which are still suffering from the severe consequences of these wars to this present moment. The most popular struggling case is the occupied land of Palestine. Palestine was part of the Ottoman Empire at the time of the first World War, and since the world at the time was divided into two blocs; The Triple Entente (consisted of Britain, France, and Russia) and The Triple Alliance (consisted of Germany, Austria-Hungary, and Italy). Germany at the time had signed a mutual defence treaty with the Ottoman Empire, which meant that the Ottoman Empire was ...
Read more